If you’ve spent time with a parent or loved one lately you may have noticed their confidence can sometimes wane as they age. This could be due to the general ageing process, an illness or bereavement. Whatever the reason, it’s fair to say that confidence and ageing do not always go hand-in-hand.
Confidence is an important part of the ageing puzzle, because without it, a person can experience increased anxiety at completing simple tasks and become over reliant on external support affecting their sense of independence.
Advocare’s helplines receive hundreds of calls from people every month who have lost the confidence to go about their daily lives and feel completely overwhelmed.
Sometimes this stems from trying to understand the ins and outs of the aged care system, a form of elder abuse or a life event that has really knocked their confidence.
It’s not easy to navigate, and requires a delicate approach, but it is important to have a conversation with your loved one about their confidence, so they can actively seek help and support if they need it.
It’s also important to empower them with that conversation and remind them of what they’ve achieved in the past and what they’re still capable of now.
Sometimes your belief in them and an honest conversation can make all the difference.
Here’s our top five tips to approach the conversation with empathy and respect:
- Choose the right time.
Make sure the conversation is not rushed and they’re not anxious or overwhelmed about something they need to do that day. Take your time and make the conversation non-confrontational. - Approach with compassion.
Ask a question such as “how are you feeling mum?” and if you get an “I’m fine…” gently encourage them to open-up by talking about how life and health changes can affect your confidence and use an example from your own life if you can. - Validate don’t dismiss.
Avoid saying things like, “no one thinks that” or “you’ve got this”. Give them a safe space to say what they’re feeling and talk about what they’re scared of. Allowing them the time to talk it out or vent can be a gift in itself. - Remind them who they are.
Talk about the job they had, the family they raised, the challenges they’ve already overcome, the groups they have been a part of and the friends and family who love them. This reminds them of what they’ve achieved in the past and will help tap into their self-belief. One of our staff members recently shared that she had to remind her overwhelmed mother that she once ran a very busy Perth hospital ward for some years. And another had to give her father a gentle nudge that he could still play and enjoy his beloved lawn bowls after a fall. - Focus on their strengths and actively listen.
Whatever they tell you, don’t immediately try and fix it for them. Make them feel you’ve listened, heard and understood what they’re going through and that you’ll help guide them. The first important step is often an honest chat with their GP.
A lack of confidence in older people can stem from all sorts of things; feeling they’re ‘past it’ that they have nothing to offer the world or they’re just ‘a silly old thing’ – when in truth the wisdom and the experience of ageing should be so much more valued in our modern society than it is.
Reminding someone you love of this, will not only help them, it might also give you priceless insight into how to find beauty and meaning in each season of life.
